It's in the I AM.

Drawing is my therapy. But it's more than that. It's in the I AM.  In my art, my creativity is where I find God the most. That's where He is. I AM an artist. I know this with every fiber of my being. My Dad was brought to me when I was 9. Granted, my Mom technically brought him into my life when she married him. I choose to believe in the grand design.

 My Dad taught me almost all of what I know about drawing. Ever since I got in trouble for drawing on the carport wall with crayon. After I got a spanking for defacing the wall, my Dad took me aside and told me he noticed I have talent and would I like him to teach me some things about art. Being the second-to-last sibling in a family of 7 kids, are you kidding me, I jumped at the chance to get some parental attention. I must have been 9 at the time. I think, I get fuzzy recalling specific ages or times in the past. Does anyone else do that? 

So Dad took me out into the country areas of Arlingon, WA. Believe me, there was lots more country back then in the late 70's, early 80. Actually, I think it was more 1976, now that I do the math.  Dad and I continued to do this particular drawing practice into my teen years. We drew barns with pencil, charcoal, or watercolor. Whichever medium we chose for the day. He taught me so much on these trips. Technique, shapes and shadows. He taught me to look at the details and study them. He also taught me to stand back and look at the big picture. Composition, perspective. My Dad was a patient, quiet teacher. He didn't talk much. When he did speak, it was important. Looking back, I find those excursions to the country some of the most peaceful times of my life. His patient, quiet pace set the tone. 

Now I don't believe it was a mere coincidence that my Mom married him and he became my one true Dad when he did. In a way, he helped me know what a Daddy is supposed to be in those quiet times. He was careful and patient with me. I'm grateful for it. 

I AM an artist. In truth, because Dad brought it out in me. He taught me the love of color and detail. He helped me to see things differently than anyone else. He taught me to appreciate the beauty in nature. The beauty in imperfection. Many time, not much is clear to me, but this one thing; My knower knows that I AM and artist.

When I'm creating... something happens. When I walk away from what I've done (and this is my favorite), I look back at my creation and I get....an...unexpected thrill. It's magical really. Nothing else is ever as right as that moment. The moment I finish my drawing I see something I couldn't possibly have done by myself. That's when I know more than any other part of my life, The Great I AM is working throught me. God is working through me. That's where I find peace and crystal clear beauty of God. It fills me with self assurance and pride. It fills me up with a joyful energy that now willingly spills over onto the canvas. 

The details flow from my soul out of my heart, through my hands and into existence. Something beautiful and tangible now exists that didn't before I said yes to it. I know who I AM.

 Do you know who you are? What I AM statement can you make? When you say I AM dadadadeeda, (whatever it is), is there a quiet confirmation inside? Trust it. Trust yourself.

Don't be ashamed of it. Let it out.

--Syd Murray 10/2018

Pictured: Dad and me about 1980.